I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize