I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize