I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
