I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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