That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
