It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
