Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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