you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
