just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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