she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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