clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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