Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
