He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
