she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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