I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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