I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
