turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
