i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
