If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize