i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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