So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
