He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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