I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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