I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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