Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
