i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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