She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
