my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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