I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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