I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
