Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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