she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You pole danced in your parka.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
