Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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