I want to walk on stilts...naked
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I deserve this hangover.
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