I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
