No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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