I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
