got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
