One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
