I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
