She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
