last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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