I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
