He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
