Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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