I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
