Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
