I just cut my nipple shaving
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
