i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
