i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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