just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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