i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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