I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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