Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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