So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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