vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i think i just lost a toe
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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