Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
