I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
