Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
