So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
