Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
