It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
