I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
nutella sex= disaster
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
