I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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