Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
