Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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