Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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