drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
