What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
