Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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