so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
