1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm jealous of your bromance
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
