Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
