i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
