that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
