The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
