I think i peed on brittanys purse
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
