I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
