New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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