I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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