During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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